


Light at the End of the Tunnel

by anastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Demon Dean Winchester, M/M, season nine finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 02:05:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1670711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastiel/pseuds/anastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel wants to see Dean one last time, but when he does, he finds out something unexpected. Coda for the Season 9 Finale of Supernatural.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light at the End of the Tunnel

Castiel doesn’t know why he rushes to leave heaven. He has no reason to leave, let alone pay attention to the nervous, needy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. He knows Dean is dead, so why should he even bother attempting to see him one last time? It will just hurt him more to see Dean’s lifeless body and know that he cannot do anything to fix it. The last of his grace wouldn’t even be enough to bring Dean back to life.

But still, he goes. Hannah and the other angels promise him that if and when he wishes to return to heaven, the portal will be open to him. He thanks them with a nod of his head, unable to say anything else for fear of breaking down in front of them.

When he reaches Earth and his feet hit the gritty sand of the large sandbox; he falls to his knees, burying his face in his hands and sobs. Big, fat tears roll down his cheeks, leaving dark prints in the sand underneath him. He whispers Dean’s name over and over again, chanting it like a prayer and his heart feels like it’s being ripped out of his chest.

 _So this is heartbreak_ , he thinks. This is what so many wars were started over and Castiel can understand why. The desire to rage a war against Heaven and Hell is thick within his gut, as is the desire to torture Metatron until he is begging for Castiel to stop. But that would be pointless, it would only cause more casualties and do nothing to solve the painful ache within his heart. So instead he cries. Even as he shakily stands to his feet, staggering out of the sandbox and towards his car, tears continue to trail down his cheeks.

He gets into his car, sits and breathes; taking in deep, steady breaths trying to calm himself down. Castiel is borderline hysterical and he knows that he cannot drive in such a state. He reaches up with his hands, gripping the steering wheel until his hands turn white. His eyes slam shut, squeezing the last few tears out of his eyes. He releases a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding, opens his eyes and turns on the ignition. The car roars to life and Castiel flicks the radio on, blasting classic rock just like Dean would. Then he drives.

~~~~~~~

“Cas?!”

“Hello, Sam,” Cas says into the phone. Sam sounds extremely tired and the grief in his voice is prevalent.

“Where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m outside the bunker and I’m fine... I just-” His voice falters and he gulps, “I came to see Dean.”

“I’ll let you in,” is all Sam replies before ending the call. Cas pockets his phone and keys, getting out of the car and waits patiently outside the bunker’s entrance.

Sam opens the door a few seconds later, the deadbolt making a numb click as he slides it open. Sam looks awful. His eyes are blood-shot and rimmed red from crying and Cas can smell alcohol on his breath. He gives a half-hearted smile at Cas when he opens the door. Cas steps through the door and instantly wraps his arms around Sam in a comforting hug.

“I’m so sorry Sam,” Cas says. Sam’s hands cling to Cas’s coat for a few seconds, before he lets go, sniffling. Cas is fighting back tears of his own.

Sam swipes a hand over his face and takes a deep breath, “He’s downstairs, but I got to warn you he’s not-”

“It’s fine, Sam,” Cas states gruffly, moving past Sam and he heads down the stairs. Sam follows behind him, his steps heavy.

Cas looks up the moment Dean rounds the corner of the main room, shoulders hunched over, head bowed, eyes closed. Cas freezes.

“Dean, you’re alive” He whispers, eyes wide in shock. Dean’s alive and he’s okay. But there’s something wrong. This is Dean, but _it’s not his Dean_. Dean’s different, he’s darker. Then Cas looks and sees the swirled dark mass covering up Dean’s bright soul and realizes, he’s a demon.

Dean turns his head away from Cas, gripping the nearest chair with his hand.

“Get out of here, Cas” Dean bites out, voice cold.

“No.”

“I don’t want you to see me like this,” Dean says, softer now; but Cas can hear the self-hate reflected in his voice and he longs to comfort him.

“Dean,” Cas starts to say but Dean cuts him off.

“Don’t.”

Cas takes in a breath and turns to Sam, “Sam, can you leave us for a moment?”

“Sure,” Sam complies, sliding past Cas and into the kitchen, most likely to get another drink.

Cas waits until Sam leaves then he strides forward so he is only two feet away from Dean’s hunched over back and clenched eyes.

“Dean, look at me,” Cas says softly, pleading.

“No,” Dean says, brokenly and his voice shakes. His hand is clenching and unclenching around the wood of the chair. Cas reaches out and gently grabs Dean’s arm, right above where the Mark’s burn is etched into his skin.

“Dean, please.”

Dean turns around suddenly, shaking Cas’s hand off of his arm and opening his eyes to reveal black.

“Is this what you wanted to see Cas?! The kind of fucking monster I’ve turned into?! Just leave and go back to heaven, you won’t have to worry about me anymore.”

Tears rush to Cas’s eyes at how defeated Dean sounds. He feels a deep sadness rise in his chest. How is this is Dean’s fate for trying to do good? Dean is so good, so pure. Even with all the darkness drowning out the light of his soul, he’s still so pure and bright.

And Cas loves him, more than anything in the universe.

“Why would I leave?” Cas asks with a small sad smile. Dean turns back to him, eyes flicking back to their normal green.

"Why the fuck _wouldn’t_ you leave? You shouldn’t want anything to do with me! You’re an angel and I’m a fucking demon!”

“I love you,” Cas replies simply, daring to reach out and take one of Dean’s hand within his own. Dean stares at him.

“No you don’t, you can’t. Not when I’m _this_ ,” Dean shakes his head, trying to pull his hand away, but Cas takes a step closer. Dean flinches when Cas’s hands cup his cheeks, he slams his eyes shut; scared of Cas seeing the blackness that could flood them at any minute.

“Dean Winchester, I love you and I will love you no matter what you are or what you do,” Cas says softly, rising up on his toes slightly to press his lips delicately against Dean’s forehead.

“Cas,” Dean says, Cas’s name coming out of Dean’s lips in a choked sob. His hands scramble to Cas’s shoulders, clinging to him as if his life depended on it. Maybe it does.

“Cas,” Dean mutters again, he can’t breathe, he can’t talk and his body won’t let him cry anymore.

Cas wraps his arms around Dean, who is shaking from emotion he can’t articulate. Dean buries his face in Cas’s shoulder, murmuring his name.

“I know, you can’t say it but, I know,” Cas says.

Dean raises his head and looks at Cas, eyes black. Cas meets his eyes, trailing his hand down Dean’s cheek lovingly. Cas kisses him, slowly and gently, treasuring this one pure moment.

Everything is awful and who the hell knows how they are going to fix any of this. But with his lips pressed against Dean’s, Cas knows they can do this.

They can get through this, together.


End file.
